Mr. Meet Me At El Loro

 

Mr. Meet Me At El Loro

2-3 years ago when I was single after my 2nd breakup with my long term ex, I decided to try my luck at a little website by the name of Plenty of Fish (POF). Now I know you are all groaning, and quite honestly this site makes me groan as well. I have previously used this site AND have had success with it. Met my last boyfriend I dated in Chicago through the site, (had one date, drooled all over him and then we were inseparable for the next 10 months until I moved back to MN and he moved to CA), had a previous 4 month "thing" not "fling" but a "thing" with a guy between my ex and my 2 breakups.. and met who I THOUGHT was the man of my dreams on there and dated him for 10 months before he also moved to the West Coast. (I think there is a theme here...)

Bottom line is… are there idiots and users and weirdos and creeps and psychos on POF? Totally. But there are idiots and users and weirdos and creeps and psychos walking around downtown and in bars, and are your co-workers and that you met through friends. Every crazy is someone’s son, or brother (hopefully not husband  J ) it just takes longer to figure it out when you online date. It’s very easy to hide who you are…It can and has been a huge waste of time this time around. But I have met some pretty great guys on there as well in the past.

So here’s the deal. I was about a month out of a relationship, relocating to Minneapolis and living on my aunt’s futon at her house in Bloomington. Why I was trying to date is beyond me… I figured why not see what’s out there, go on a few dates and dip my toe in the proverbial “Dating Pond” (yes, that was a fish pun… I’m not sorry) I receive a message from a pretty good looking guy after being online for maybe a day or two. This guy has a generic Personal Trainer username like buffguy112 or PTmuscle111 or MirrorPic69. Anyway, I take the bait (there is another fish pun) and read his profile. Everything seems to check out, Master’s Degree, Teacher/Trainer etc etc. No REAL red flags. We start a conversation; talk for about a week through the site before he finally asks for my number. Through this entire period, he seems completely normal.

HA. No.

Finally I feel comfortable enough to give this guy the nudge and get him to ask me out. I cast a line out, he takes it hook line and sinker (harhar) and on Monday we agree to meet that Saturday for a drink. Tuesday night he texts me and asks me to call him. I do so, and he asks me if I’d like to come over to play video games instead of going out for a drink. I CLEARLY decline. My words;

 “I’m not totally comfortable with that. I don’t know you yet and I’d rather meet somewhere we are both comfortable”. His response is something along the lines of

“Oh, public gives me anxiety, maybe we shouldn’t go out. Sorry”.

Very annoyed with his response I agreed and left it at that. Tuesday, I get a text apologizing and asking if I’m still up to come over and play video games. I repeat my previous response, reminding him that I am NOT interested in going to his place adding a caveat this time. “MuscleMan111 do you have a sister? Would you tell your little sister it was okay to go over to guy’s house that she’s never met or would you tell her to meet him at a restaurant or mall or public place?” He agrees with me and asks if I would be okay meeting him that evening for a drink. I agree to meet him at El Loro that evening at 7. I finish work, shower, get cute only to get a text at 6:30 as I’m about to leave.

MuscleGuy “Sorry. Have to work late. Can’t go out tonight.”

Well that’s just awesome, I didn’t take like 2 hrs to look hot right?  Great.

I change, have dinner with my aunt only to receive a text at 9:15pm.

MuscleGuy “Hey, want to come over and game?”

Me: No… and I thought you were working late?

MuscleGuy “Oh, no, I ended up finishing around 7:15…”

Me: “Ok…. So why couldn’t you have dinner?”

MuscleGuy “I’m tired”

Me: “No. I’m going to bed. Goodnight”

Now, I am known for being a bit hard on people. I have been told that when I get annoyed I can be mean. I know this… I wanted to change that perception, and to be honest I used the whole forgiveness thing a little too much on this guy… should have known this guy was a weirdo.

I don’t talk to him for a few days thinking he was a goner. Friday night he texts me and asks me to call him… (Why he can’t just call me, is beyond me)  I tell him he can call me if he wants to speak to me. He calls. Apologizes AGAIN then asks me to have lunch with him at El Loro on Saturday. I was already annoyed with the situation and made sure he knew it, he pleads and says he truly sorry, has a lot going on in his life right now and would REALLY like to meet me, blah blah blah.

And then ladies and gentleman (I think there might be one guy who reads this) Idiot ME. I agree.

Saturday arrives. (Ominous music)

I text him making sure we’re still on. He responds. We’re set for 1pm at El Loro.

I run all my weekend errands super early. Get into the shower, get ready.

Text at 12:30pm

MuscleGuy: “Helping mom move furniture, can we push to 2pm?”

Me: “Yup.”

1:45pm

MuscleGuy: “Still with my mom, would you be opposed to 3pm?”

Me: “Really? I’ll go eat with my sister just let me know when you’re done.”

(Side Bar: He previously told me his mother had cancer and required a lot of help. I’m not heartless, mom comes first.”

2:45pm (I haven’t moved from the couch because I can feel what’s coming)

Muscle Guy: Hey, sorry this is taking forever. How do you feel about 9pm?

Me: (I rip my face off and the Kraken is emerging) “Honestly, you wasted one evening of mine this week, and now you’ve had me sitting around since 11 waiting for you, wasting another one of my days. I really have other things to do so it’s either going to be dinner around 5 or I’m going to have to cancel.”

His response got me in full blown Kraken, Eat Your Face, American Psycho Mad

MuscleGuy: “You know, I really don’t like feeling rushed or pushed into doing anything. I like to do things in my own time. I won’t be going out tonight. I’m going to bed. Bye.”

So he wastes my entire day, then he acts like I’m being unreasonable for saying we’ll have to cancel if it goes any later??  I. Lost. It.

I call him. He doesn’t answer. So I call again. No Answer.

People, I did what I have NEVER done in my life. I left a mean girl voice mail. Yes. Yes I did.

Me: “Hi MuscleGuy, thanks for wasting my entire day, again. Thank you for making me feel like I wasn’t worth your time. Oh and that your time is more valuable than mine. That’s awesome. Thanks for making me run around getting things done so that I could be available for our date, I really wanted to get up early and run around on a Saturday. And thank you for the lesson on the kind of people that you SHOULD not give another chance. Lesson learned. Fuck You Very Much. Lose My Number”

Now in hind sight… that might have been a bit harsh. But I was a little mad. My aunt sat on the couch listening as I ran my mouth at his voicemail and I dare say she looked a little entertained.  Now,  if I’m being truly honest I think I was really mad because I really was craving Mexican food and he kept cancelling. So I was hangry which added into my voicemail rage. I call my friend up, and ask him if he’d meet me at El Loro to eat. He agrees.

I get to the El Loro entrance and look down at my phone to a slew of apologetic texts, stating that he has been at El Loro the whole time but was just too nervous to see me, and blah blah blah. So I walk in to El Loro WITH my male friend and here is this numbskull who’s been sitting at the restaurant FOR HOURS. My friend feels awkward, laughs at the situation and goes to the bar to watch football and eat. I’m left with this guy.

I sit there. Blink and Chew. That’s it. I made it known that I was not pleased to be there nor would there be any kind of repeat. He spends the entire meal trying to flirt with me, make small talk, laugh at sarcasm towards him until finally I tell him I’m tired and going to bed then pettily walk to the bar to hang out with my friend. He Leaves. (I know, I acted like a child. I’m fine with it)

He proceeds to text me that evening. Asking me out again, I remind him that it will never. Ever. Ever. Happen again.

Every 2-3 days each week, for another 2 months,  I would get a text from him asking me if I had changed my mind yet. I would repeat. NEVER

EVER EVER EVER.

You hear me El Loro? Never.

He messaged me on POF a few days ago… my response?

NEVER

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